Snuggles the Wonder Dog

President: Where is that darn dog? I need his analysis of the intelligence we've gathered!

Vice-President: I'm not sure you should trust the fate of the free world to a 12-pound pug!

President: Well, he is a genius, you know. He has the IQ of William James Sidis! And he did drive my daughters home one night when they were so tipsy they got into the back seat and wondered why they couldn't find the steering wheel. (Chuckes.) That reminds me of what I used to do when I was their age. . .

(Sound of door opening.)

President: Snuggles! Thank God you're here! Good boy!

Snuggles: Arf! Arf! (Sound of munching of biscuit.)

Secretary of Defense: You call two pages an analysis? It should be at least 5000!

Snuggles: BRRRRAAAP!

President: Please don't fart at the Secretary of Defense, Snuggles. Farting at subbordinates is my job.

Snuggles: Heh heh.

President: Hmm. . .interesting. . .no Weapons of Mass Destruction. . .simplistic and dangerous view to think we're good and they're evil. . .blowback for 50 years of supporting dictators. . .bait to lure us into a war to bleed us of blood and treasure. . .thousands of American casualties. . .hundreds of billions of dollars . .civil war. . .increasingly sophisticated guerilla attacks. . .ten year commitment. . .loss of the goodwill of the rest of the world. . .say, this is brilliant!

Secretary of Defense: This is outrageous! He's nothing but a dog with a curly tail! Are you going to listen to a dog instead of us? Hello? The Best and the Brightest? Ever heard of us? Harvard? Yale? Who do think can give the best advice? A bunch of guys from Ivy League colleges or some little beast that drinks from the toilet?

President: Okay, guys, calm down!

Secretary of Defense: And I certainly don't need any more cracks from that miserable werepug about John F. Kennedy, Robert McNamara, Vietnam and quagmires!

Vice-President: Or about chickenhawks taking five deferments to escape serving in Vietnam! Or hiding out in an underground bunker like Dr. Strangelove! Quit sniggering, Snuggles!

President: C'mon, guys, you're putting me between Iraq and a hard place!

Secretary of Defense: Well, you're going to have to choose. Are you going to listen to us, or a dog? Whose advice is sound? What do you think the public would do if they found out your top adviser is some mutt? Think of your chances for re-election! Besides, we guarantee you the invasion will be a cakewalk! The people will line the streets and throw flowers at us as liberarators! The American public will sing great songs about our brilliance! A ten-year war? Ha! We'll be there just a few months!

President: Hmmm. . .you do have a point. Snuggles, you do give great advice, but heck, let's face facts! You're a dog! These guys want to start a war, and I guess I should listen to them! Sorry, but I think I'm going to have to find another position in the administration for you!

Vice-President: Hahaha!

Snuggles: Hee-yah!

Vice President: OOF!

President: Please don't punch the Vice President in his balls, Snuggles.

Snuggles: Hee hee.

President: What's that you're saying, Snuggles?

Snuggles: Arf, arf, bark, bark, ur! ur! ur!

President: Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it? These guys couldn't find their butts with both hands? A dog makes more sense than they do? And you're going into the movies? A bit part in Men in Black? Well, good luck!